An emotional struggle between love and obligations
As I watched last night’s KBS drama “My Golden Life”, my heart felt heavy at the emotional struggle that both Park Sihoo-ssi’s Choi Dokyung and Seo Jian had to experience. They were tearing at my emotional heartstrings, making me struggle right along with them. I had no idea who to feel pity for or angry at and whose side I want to be on.
Highly disturbed by the farewell kiss she shared with Choi Dokyung, Seo Jian had to come to terms with her heart. She has feelings for this man! Love has crept up on her when she least expected! Knowing that there will be no tomorrow for them, she had to struggle on how to behave when she next met him. Collecting herself well, her outwardly calm veneer the morning after caught the freakingly nervous Choi Dokyung aback!
The day after awkward meeting
Similarly, Choi Dokyung was not unmoved by that departing kiss. He was at odds with himself, “What am I doing? How can it be?” He had to struggle and toss between love and commitments. On the one hand, he tried to convince himself not to care, in fact telling his best friend there was nothing in the relationship, even when caught unconsciously behaving like a fool. But when it came to the crux of the matter, he reached out sub-conciously to her, smile when he saw her smile, felt sad when she was sad and went absolutely berserk when he heard she was hurt! Not his usual calm and collected self at all.
Choi Dokyung unconsciously concerned, frantic with worry
With his emotional struggle, he went on an attack to distance himself, totally ruthless, cold and unfeeling in cutting her off. So what if they kissed? He is committed to marrying Jang Sora. She should have no expectations because nothing would change.
In trying to distance himself and denying his love, he hurt most the woman he loves, leaving her vulnerable when she needed him most! Worst, not even knowing why she arranged to meet him in the first place and what she wanted to tell him!
What to do, what to do? How do I feel? What do I feel?
It was a hellish emotional struggle! Both for the ill-fated love birds and for my poor heart!
Oh gosh…tonight will be another emotional heavy night again on KBS “My Golden Life”! The explosive truth will be ugly! But the heart must go on…and I will struggle on to watch! I am addicted! Can’t miss it for anything in the world!
The emotional struggle that left both of them bleeding their hearts out
“我黄金光辉的人生”第19集：情感的挣扎
观看昨晚的KBS电视剧“我黄金光辉的人生”时，我觉得施厚君饰演的崔道京和徐智安都在经历着情感的挣扎。他们也同时拉着我的情感心弦，让我与他们一起挣扎。我不知道该为谁而感到怜悯或愤怒，不知道究竟要站在谁的立场，去支持谁。
和崔道京告别之吻后，徐智安感受到严重的打击，她不得不接受事实。她的心里已经有了他。在不知不觉中，对这个男人有了感情，爱情已经悄然而至！知道他们是不会有将来的，她都不晓得如何再去面对他。但，鼓起勇气，第二天她竟然可以以外表冷静的对着心里恐慌的崔道京，让他感到惊讶！
Emotional upheaval after discovery of love
同样的，崔道京也被那告别之吻感到混乱。他不停的问自己：“我在做什么？怎么可能这样？”爱和承诺之间挣扎和折腾。他试图说服自己不要在乎，也告诉他最要好的朋友他们之间是不存在任何的关系，虽然朋友说他一直盯着他，就如傻子。但是在事情的核心，他不知不觉地伸出手，微笑着看她的笑容，跟着她悲伤，听到她受伤的时候都快疯掉了！不是平时冷静，做事有调理的崔道京。
在他的情感挣扎中，为了疏远她，他向她攻击，好狠，完全无情地割断他们之间的关系。他们接吻了，那又怎么样？他已经跟张索拉有婚姻之约。她不要有任何的期望，因为不会有任何的改变的。句句话凶猛，逼真！
为了疏远她，他否认了自己的爱，伤害了自己所爱的女人，在她最需要他的时候，让她感到绝望！最糟的是他甚至没有弄清楚她为什么要见他，想告诉他什么！
Where were you when she need your most?
该怎么办，该怎么办？要怎么感受？要怎么感受？
这是一场地狱般的情感挣扎！对于这两位苦命鸳鸯和对我自己的心脏！
哦，天哪……今晚将是KBS“我黄金光辉的人生”的另一个情绪沉重的一集！爆炸性的真像揭晓后的后患！但是，还是得继续……我将勇敢的去观看！我上瘾了！完全不能自拔了！
Youtube videos – Recaps of “My Golden Life” Episode 19 on 4 November 2017. These will only play on KBS Youtube. Please click on the photos to get linked
Recap 1: I must be crazy 4 November 2017
https://youtu.be/UXfuhHA62Nk
Recap 2: The first meeting after the kiss 4 November 2017
https://youtu.be/8jd_6Nbxdzc
Recap 3: Sabotage by team member 4 November 2017
https://youtu.be/iGy9iusv02c
Recap 4: She wants you to notice 4 November 2017
https://youtu.be/5ALJO9oO6xI
Recap 5: I will only reveal the truth after the event 4 November 2017
https://youtu.be/6LZzwlOEzNk
Recap 6: Are you sure you want to put her in my company? 4 November 2017
https://youtu.be/l2QCZ_PtdVc
Recap 7: I will go home and tell you 4 November 2017
https://youtu.be/dbjSxAAT28c
Recap 8: Wife makes appearance 4 November 2017
https://youtu.be/aMJyv81haYE
Recap 9: Can’t find Seo Jian 4 November 2017
https://youtu.be/Ha-5XtFCf2s
Recap 10: I was worried sick 4 November 2017
https://youtu.be/RAPcTfskXt8
Recap 11: Discovery by Father Seo 4 November 2017
https://youtu.be/zv2a_gP87us
Recap 12: I am a liar, I am married 4 November 2017
https://youtu.be/jfpz4Q3TKOM
Recap 13: Confused over growing love 4 November 2017
https://youtu.be/yGb0eFXQMs0
Recap 14: Do not expect anything from me 4 November 2017
https://youtu.be/QadTJQLSfw8
Recap 15: Who are you? 4 November 2017
https://youtu.be/w48kfonm5-U
Credits – Many thanks! KBS Drama
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33 Comments
#朴施厚# #我黃金光輝的人生# 多麽令人心痛的一對啊，看到他們本是真心喜歡對方的，卻無奈要否認和違背內心的意願，相信心裡一定好難過。好虐心啊，我們看到也替他們傷悲。
,Another sleepless night after watching episode 19. Suffering for both of them, trying to understand what will happen with them after their passionate kiss. Jian, aware of her feelings for Do Kyung, wants him to be next to her when she will unveil her identity to his parents, as he promised. But his reaction and his motivation for them staying apart from one another is so harsh, so tough, so cruel that has brutally striked her heart. Injured, humiliated,she can’t believe listening to him ” I need consideration , not pity.”,she says “Isn’t it cowardice to put it like that? ” And I agree with her and I’m upset for his behaviour.”What do you want from me? .. We have different paths. What do you expect of me? Because we kissed? I felt attracted and I kissed you. A kiss? I can kiss you 100 times. I can sleep with you.” OMG! That’s the other side of the coin! Do Kyung’ s selfishness, cruelty, unexpected behaviour of a man who says that he cares, which I dissaprove so much. “You live the life that suits you. I’ll go on living mine. So don’t expect anything from me.” are his words . And I’ll quote from Oscar Wild that suits Do Kyung so much; ” Yet each man kills the thing he loves, By each let this be heard. Some do it with a bitter look, some with a flattering world. The coward does it with a kiss..”
Like you, I felt very emotional when i watched the confrontation between CDK and SJA. Knowing the end is near, he tried to distance himself but he came out cold, cruel and totally ruthless. While hurting, he hurt the woman he loves, badly. Hell has opened its doors now – for both CDK and SJA. One probably with extreme regret and the other living hell due to an act that of her doing…we will be heading for extreme heartache now!
And I can’t stand this extreme heartache for both of them.
Stefania Lupu 나도 Nado! Me too!
😥😥😥😪😪
Park Sihoo-ssi 박시후 씨 By your words of an act of her doing, do you mean she too let herself fallen into CDK’s love, or do you mean by her choice of joining the Chois? Oh I should say extreme heartache is good, satifies me this sadist ajuhma
Chai Hua Loke Sorry for confusion, typing too fast and left out a critical ‘not’, So should read “due to an act not of her doing’
Park Sihoo-ssi 박시후 씨 No worries
Stefania Lupu, I have expressed my gut feel of the goosebums of that kiss even before I read your this comment…..about ” Yet each man kills the thing he loves, By each let this be heard. Some do it with a bitter look, some with a flattering world. The coward does it with a kiss..” This will explain better why my natural feeling wasn’t enchanted by the kiss. Though I believe CDK might use harsh words subsequently which seem to justify this kiss in the context as how you see it as a coward, I personally believe he kissed her because by then his soul has really gone out of his body and very attracted by the light of positive energy exuded from Jian. That was the involuntary chemistry explanation. And unconsciously just as CDK said to himself, he doesn’t know what he was doing taking Jian to her brother’s wedding, by end of episode 18, CDK simply lost himself and hence committed this cowardice act of kiss.
So I have watched episode 19 paid full attention, absorbed every word and emotion. In every deep impact drama, the CDK SJA meeting at the club scene will be one the the drama’s highlight. Eventhough because I watched episode 19 later and knew from you ladies’s comments that CDK acted brutally and cold towards Jian, but when I 1st learnt about CDK’s reactions come crunch time, I wasn’t surprised that was his reaction. Now that I have watched and understood that CDK actually didn’t come to learn Jian’s purpose of asking for that meeting, I could even emphatise CDK’s tormented heart even more. Really what better way for writer So to present to us how scare he himself is with how out of control he has fallen for this unforbidden love. His defensive words and manners say it all. In a way, I find it hard to accept writer So could deliver this scene where Jian did not get to say the most important thing she has asked to see CDK for. Being Jian’s assertive character, somehow, she ought to have interupted CDK to say she has come to say about the meeting with the parents no matter how hurtful CDK words are. Yes, writer So wants us to accept that CDK’s words were so shocking that Jian was paralysed but hmmm…..I find it hard to let that thing came in Jian’s clear minded head. As it demonstrated the scene after the kiss, Jian was the cool composed and the one to brooch the subject and brushed it as her mistake the night before, saved all the works CDK had to do to salvage. If Jian had acted nervous in front of CDK, then I can be more convinced at this critical meeting Jian was completely paralysed. Yes I do know Jian trembles when she witnessed CDK’s concern for her in fron the the event hall, as a self realisation that they both mutually attracted and she could sense the degree of his care for her is deeper than she thought. But still Jian is not the type who lives in fantasy of romance , she has a cool head, hence I feel if I am Jian, the thing that burning me right that moment is the most urgent thing of the confession, so much so whatever CDK said about he and I, those are things I will only reflect his words later on, moreover up to that moment, Jian still wasn’t the one madly fallen in love with CDK. When a person has such a important burning fire (confession) to kill, nothing else can be clearly heard and emotionally recepted, the sensory cells could only focus on that fire. But the scene shows us Jian didn’t even get to blurt out a few words like I need your consideration because I am going to confess with your parents tonight. Hmmm…..I cannot give writer So full marks on executing this.
Dear Stefania Lupu your quote of “”the coward does it with a kiss”” will go down long term memory in my learning of the many of your beautiful quotes. Because in episode of CDK and Jian meeting before the confession, Jian asked CDK why does he had to put forward such forceful and demeaning wall between them, isn’t that cowardice. Writer So too has used your wisdom of cowardice in CDK’s actions and reactions towards his own fear of the forbidden love. In the early episodes when Jian and CDK were at tugs of war, viewers like us find it hard to take sides because it was equal reasoning and behaviour from both of them thrown in the unforeseen uncontrollable by themselves circumstances. Now it has come to this point where it is time to reveal CDK’s because of him being trained as a Choi, his character and the way he deals with life has more faults than Jian, hence writer So shows how CDK was the one who felt the love attraction 1st as his soul seeks out and attracted by Jian, to nourish CDK’s soul. Makes all the sense to me.
Something I learned through episode 19 is that CDK behaves the opposite of how he really feels. Despite knowing this his behavior at the end towards SJA was unforgiveable. She ended up looking like a zombie. So shocked and the hardest she had yet to face….alone! My heart was aching so much. How will she survive? How will CDK cope with his parents’ behavior and the family rules? Will Ji Soo turn her back to Ji An as well now that the truth is out? It will be hard to watch episode 20, but still I will. One thing is for sure. The Choi parents are darker and uglier than I could even imagine and they will send the hell dogs out to SJA. Even father Choi which is disappointing me highly. I had the illusion he was the one with a softer heart. Now he showed his true face too. He can shake hands with his wife!
It’s an ugly world out there…and misfortunes often comes in threes, so I dread what will happen!
Yes Wilma, the Choi family is like a an isle of serpents. As even father Choi has very well described the two sisters, his wife and her sister. And , as you say even father Choi dissapointed me. The same question is crossing my mind. Will Jisoo change her childish behaviour when she will learn about her real identity?. Will she be angry that her parents have hidden 20 years who she is?.Will she go to live with the Choi family? If yes,will she remember how critical she was with Jian, when she decided to go to live with the Chois? Many question and expected answers from episode 20.
Tonight is key for sure…but it will be very emotional! Sob!
A preview always only give short insights. For sure Ji Soo is very angry, but we can’t see yet if she will move over to the Chois because of this anger. If she does, she can forget about her dream of being the baker’s apprentice. This family drama feels like an emotional horror movie to me right now. So many questions indeed. Hope tonight’s episode will give some answers….otherwise, waiting for another week in uncertainty will be hard to swallow
Stefania Lupu, just saw episode 20 with English subs. You were just too kind comparing the Choi family with an isle of serpents. With what they have in mind with Ji An is the devil himself more kind. Ji An is barely alive. It is unbelievable that even Ji Soo doesn’t show more consideration. Of course, she is confused too, but also only view from her own perception not even trying to see if what she sees is as how it is. Ironiconally, after his harsh last words Do Kyung is the only one worrying about her, but I don’t think he’ll be able to protect her against his parents. They are so rotten…….
Wilma van Zwietering Aptly said! This thing that has been running in my mind for a while now, that Choi Dokyung might leave his family for love, I think it might just come to that. It will be his pursuit of happiness and his golden life, not to be dictated by his family. And unfortunately, he will need to live a “non-organic” life and frequent the Namdaemun market stalls. Kekeke! But at least he would have his love at his side!
Wilma, as I commented on Nance’s earlier articles, in my eyes, the real CDK who I could only come to like is only starting to really show bit by bit from that love struck scene. To me, those so called kindness gestures or charities by him so far are all peanuts to me, doesn’t change my gut feel about the man CDK is from the start til the very 1st sign that his real soul surfaces in the love struck scene. Before this, no matter what you ladies said that he was trained by Chois,(hence he has good excuse), he has a kind heart, he cares, he took efforts to choose appropriate gifts, all those gestures have not really impressed me because the CDK character which is so well carried by our dear actor PSH, is quite a mean person when it comes to things that are significantly important to his definition of importance. Put me next to such a person all my natural instinct would put me on guard, I mean, is a type of man I would not be able to trust. His noblesse oblige acts were all what he thought he was a good person to be kind, but those were all robotic, not real humulity. Nevertheless, writer So has at the start chose to show us that scene where he kindly accommodated the mistake of the mussles served on him, unlike his mean group of rich mates. That is one scene to show us that this CDK man is not rotten. His kindness is deep inside him. Whereas the rest of his noblesee oblige including waving the $20k or reduced to $5k, is an act that his mind has been indoctrinated that such are acts that the rich can do to be considered a good person. It wasn’t really the utmost kindness coming out from what kindness ought to be, I don’t know how else to express. Now as you said, you could feel despite all his harsh words (his usual self), he is the only one who cares what is happening to Jian. And that, to me, is only now that I say CDK is a man I could like and begin to like.
Wilma van Zwietering I ‘ve written my opinion about Jisoo towards Jian , as she changed totally her behaviour. In the last scene she looked so ironic, with hate in her eyes, quite unrecognizable. [All hell broke lose].
So you noticed the hate too Stefania Lupu. I couldn’t believe my eyes
Wilma van Zwietering I just reflected myself that I thought I was in for a romantic comedy at the start of MGL, so far I have nothing much to laugh in MGL. Whereas Local Hero, that Macau hotel scene where PSH acted as a waiter, I still can’t stop laughing from his comedian face and tone and actions. And in the other scene when our hero did his bar talk with wome ladies at front bar, he gave some flirtatious eye and facial invitation, I thought that is hilarious too, and I am sure if I dig deeper, Local Hero would give me more memories of comedy scenes. QOR so much to laugh between Goo and his male PA. Family Honour the Lee Kang Suk becoming potential son in law from there on, or even the part he read the book in hospital, are all hilarious. In MGL, all the funny faces or acts by our dear man, I did not find those good for laughs. Light spirited, yes, but hilarious, not really. Again I am a critical person. So yes, the tense background of lies and deceit featured in MGL from start to now, I agree with you, MGL so far is more like a emotional horror drama, not what I thought I was in for : romantic comedy. There are only 2 scenes in MGL I can really laugh out at its hilarious play out : 1) the part when GM Min took CDK’s basket of flower with necklace out of the kitchen when CDK didn’t want that to be presented. That scene made me laugh a lot, looking at GM Min’s composed disposition but knowing very well she is giving it back to CDK for his “arrogance” towards GM Min. 2) episode 19 when CDK casting his longing looks in the background at Jian, but caught by his best mate. Other than that, I cannot recall what other hilarious scenes that I can really laugh it out.
Park Sihoo-ssi 박시후 씨 OH Poor little rich kid, got to eat non organic food and frequent Namdaemum market…..hahaha….well….he already eaten some of such stale low quality food that even the exhausted Jian could not bring herself to stomach. So yes, CDK you have potential to live the Namdaemum standard, because that stale food cooked by the unenthusiatic cafe owner who yawn after she served you the food, that kind of food did not upset your stomach. So yes, you can do it, go after Jian and seek your love kekekeke
PSH plays well the character but he sighs too much. I prefer he plays without sighs or less.
Dear Hong Kim, oh you feel like that, me too! I often said to myself, there he goes again, hold it plese, no need to sigh every time every occasion, hahaha
WOW WOW WOW! I am peeping ahead after last night end of episode kiss which I am still digging in my heart and in my mind, asking myself do I like the kiss? Having watched episodes 17 and 18 since that love struck stare of CDK towards Jian, both episodes 17 and 18 have not really revealed much developments for a love coupled til the stage that the desire is so strong to kiss. That was my instant gut feel when I saw the kiss. My natural feeling there and then (and now) is if only they hugged each other, strongly hugged each other at the end of episode 18. A solid hug at that point in time is how it will agree with how I felt watching the subtle advancement of the liking of each other til end of episode 18. Some how I too, as Wilma said, feel akward about that sudden kiss. Especially Jian just said I like you as my brother. I really liked you then…..why would you kiss a girl who is still borderline in her feeling and heart and mingling with you as your sister. A bit goosebums for me when I saw CDK’s lips onto Jian’s lips. My honest feedback. About the drama, not about bad acting by our idol PSH. No doubt we all have the explanations for CDK that he wasn’t able to control his feeling and liking towards Jian, hence he kissed her and she too reciprocrates. That’s about the only explanation I could give for writer So to choose to show a kiss at that stage of the lovers’ love progress. Reading you ladies’s comments about how everyone reacted when the truth exploded, all the reactions which I have yet to watch episodes 19 and 20, don’t sound a surprise to me except Father Choi’s. CDK’s, Jisu’s, both reactions are still within the characters that writer So has chosen to show us up til now. However as all you said, Father Choi who we all thought he has a kinder agenda ……..wow, this I must see for my eyes. Thumbs up though it is emotional torture to watch episodes 19 and 20.
I should further clarify that choosing the kiss to end episode 18 will provides more impact for future turbulence. A hug instead of a kiss which might come as most appropriate comfortable feeling to viewers like me, will not make future tangles more interesting to watch between CDK and Jian. Hence it is an applause for ending episode 18 with a kiss, though it won’t be the kiss that I like about their love story.
My critical view about episode 19 is that I am not 100% bought in that one to one meeting of CDK and Jian, where there was no disturbance, even coffee had been pre-ordered, yet, Jian never get to blurt out the few important words she sought the meeting with him, ie, confession that night to Chois. That meeting lasted a while, absolute privacy, no uncontrollable 3rd person’s interruption, sitting down, enclosed room, yet Jian being the character writer So presented to us all these while, an assertive lady with cool mind, but here instead in this scene, Jian was paralysed by CDK’s so called brutal words which as a viewer, I’d say those words from CDK shouldn’t surprised Jian too much, especially she has been exposed to the many faces of CDK before. Most importantly Jian hasn’t had the luxury to dwell in her attraction towards him, her headspace and heartspace had been more occupied by the upcoming confession. Hence, in my personal view, I cannot be convinced that Jian can be paralysed and crushed by his brutal words that easily and did not bring up her purpose of seeking to meet him for the confession. That scene writer and director achieved the objective of CDK not confronted to give his support to Jian (in front of his parents), but failed to convinced me Jian’s state of mind and heart could be paralysed by his words, based on the many earlier scenes of how sharply and quickly Jian’s rationale worked, and when she hasn’t really deeply fallen in love with this man she came to seek support for confession, not to seek answers about their kiss.
Chai Hua Loke I don’t fully agree with you. Certainly after mother Choi’s phone call she wanted to arrange a dinner with the Seo family, Ji An’s mind got more and more occupied with the confession she had to make. Besides the end event wasn’t in the video. So she wanted everything to put straight. All her actions were put on having her leave from the company as smooth as possible for her colleagues. It was visible she was physically and mentally exhausted to a huge extent. In such a condition and when you have to deal with an attack from a person you didnn’t expect at all and is totally out of line with why you asked him to meet you, I am not surprised Ji An got paralyzed and didn’t act the way we are used from here
Thanks Wilma van Zwietering a very fair view. I envisioned myself in her position especially when you could sense her focus and eagerness to confess as soon she wants to. With that sense of urgency in her whole head to me it is even more apparent that Jian will say the few important words she went for the meeting. When the meeting was not really too brief and no distractions that’s how i position my own mind into that moment.